I just did the single most inept job of wrapping a package in the entire history of ineptitude. I'll take it to the post office tomorrow, and if they don't laugh too hard, they might even put a stamp on it and let me mail it.
To the person who receives it: I was, I regret to say, too incompetent to actually gift-wrap the contents, so if you want to wait until Christmas to open it, you're probably going to have to leave it in the astonishingly bad outer wrapping.